Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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