if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
