Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
