she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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