We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
