Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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