At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
