She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
