I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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