she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
not ubering you a puppy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
