i just had sex bonerless
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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