She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
