Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
