Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
