I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
