I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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