so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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