She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
send nudes
from the living room?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
