so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
