People in love make me want to vomit
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
