i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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