we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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