i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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