I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
