I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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