i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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