the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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