i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
