Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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