I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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