South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
