I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
soo... how was my night?
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