Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
