No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am midnight drunk by noon
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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