How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
