is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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