you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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