I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
