She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
