I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
