the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
