I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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