just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
