I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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