she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
