just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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