Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
