Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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