dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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