Dual....:-)
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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