On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
